My Hearts Home
I close my eyes and i can see the wind.
I reach out my hand and i can touch the horizon.
I breath deeply and i can taste the salt in the air.
I sit in silence and i can hear the waves as they crash upon the shore.
All in one harmoneous tone.
There is where my heart feels at home.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Fix up the few grammar stuff and it'll be short and sweet.
I especially like the last line.
Good luck!
~Psychic
arch angel --
Not bad, but not exactly good either. But don't despair! You have every means to make it good! Here are those means:
• A library/Bookstore. I'm sure there's one of those around where you live. So why not curl up with a book of poetry and read? Not only is it an enjoyable pastime, but you will learn much from it.
• Punctuation and grammar. Here is a Guide to Writing and Grammar that I hope may be of some assistance. Punctuation isn't always easy, but the least you can do is capitalize your I's.
• Imagery! As Suzanne said, its rather plain at the moment. You can improve your imagery a hundredfold by using unique, interesting metaphors and similes.
And, *sniffs* yes. You would do well to answer the questions that Suzanne has asked (How does it compare to other places? What does it feel like?) in your poem, to give it a deeper meaning. 'Tis rather simple at the moment.
Good luck! And Happy Editing!
- Camille
First off, welcome to YWS! Be sure to keep in mind that for everyone one thing you post you should also review two. We have a post-to-review ration of 2:1. If you don't keep this up, I will be forced to eat you. ^_^
I can't figure out if you meant to capitalize only the first "I" in each sentence, or is it just laziness? You also said "Harmoneou" and forgot the S. Try reading over your work a few times before posting. Why should I give my good time to someone who obviously doesn't care about their work enough to make it their best before they post?
This was kind of bland, to be completely honest. The imagery was plane, and there wasn't any deeper meaning or feeling behind it. It was just a statement. I would suggest lengthening it, adding more imagery, showing more of why this place is where you are home. How does it compare to other places? What does it feel like? Consider all of the senses, and how you could make us feel as though we were there, too.
Best of luck! If you have any questions, please feel free to PM me.